


Left Unsaid

by Tuesday3



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Realizations of Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2020-02-28 20:14:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18763408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tuesday3/pseuds/Tuesday3
Summary: An in-depth look at Maze’s feelings for a very particular therapist.





	Left Unsaid

“Ask yourself what you truly desire”. That’s what Lucifer had asked. And what does she desire? She is a goddamn demon, and yet this one question had managed to penetrate her carefully designed wall of protection, her facade. What did she desire? She hated Linda’s relationship with Amenadiel. Because he was her ex. Because she was her best friend. Because she was jealous. What did she desire? Of course she was jealous, he was her ex, she was her best friend. Their relationship hurt. 

She had talked to Decker later that week. It wasn’t the plan of course, Maze doesn’t do feelings. And yet somehow she found herself mentioning her hurt. The hurt she promised she’d bury deep inside. The feelings she didn’t want to unpack. Linda would have a lot to say about that. Linda had a lot to say about a lot of things, Maze admired that. 

Seeing them together felt like a stab in the heart. Her best friend, one of the only humans she could trust, had been lying to her. It stung. Maze didn’t usually get hurt, that was for humans. But this, this was hurt, and she would do her damndest to outrun it. Escape it. Even if it meant lying to herself about why.

She called Linda a few times, finally giving in to her desire. But the woman didn’t pick up. Radio silence from her best friend, the woman who she trusted most. So what if she chose to play with them both, torture is kind of her thing anyways. She could see the pain and anger in Linda’s eyes when she figured out what she was doing. She lashed out, she didn’t really mean to but she was hurt. And the best way to disguise her hurt was anger. She wasn’t prepared for Linda to lash out against her though. Of course Amenadeil was complicit, daddy’s boy. She barely heard a word after Linda confessed her love for Amenadiel. She didn’t know what she said before storming out, in tears. She had never cried before, it was new, it was awful, and it was human. 

She had lost it on Amenadiel, it was easier this way. Whoever said violence wasn’t the answer was wrong. But then, violence failed her, she couldn’t follow through on her last punch. 

She couldn’t stand to see Linda so upset. So upset at her. There was never some revealing moment, she just knew, somewhere inside, that it was love. It had snuck up on her, slowly but surely she knew, that she loved. And it terrified her. The hurt in Linda’s eyes was one of the most painful things she had experienced, and she was forged in the bowels of Hell itself. 

Then weeks following were a blur. She had sex and drank all night long, but she didn’t enjoy it anymore. She hated herself. She hated herself for loving someone who could never love her back, not the same way at least. She lashed out, over and over. She hurt Trixie, her only other friend. She hurt Chloe, she hurt Lucifer, she hurt Dan, she hurt Amenadiel. She broke the gift that Linda had left for her. Smashed it in half over her knee and let it fall to the floor in a loud crash.

She needed out. She needed to get away from it all. It was all too human. A demon would not love anyone, let alone a human. A demon would not cry. A demon would never let their emotions rule them. She was a demon, and she needed to go home. 

So yeah, she confessed to killing that guy. It was a part of a greater scheme anyways. She destroys things. Friendships, relationships, apartment walls. She just wanted to go home. She was so alone.

When those guys took her she was terrified, not because of that obviously, she kicked all their asses, but because all she could think of was whether or not they had hurt Linda. It was her only thought as she slashed through them like sandbags. She had to get to Linda.

When she woke up her memory had been foggy, but she had woken up to Linda’s face staring back at her. Linda was so beautiful, so kind. She finally seemed to understand then, that Maze had done it all for her. Linda was basked I’m the orange light of her office, so peaceful as Maze watched her. Maze was foggy enough that she just watched, let her emotions control her for a change. Linda kept saying such kind things, Maze thought she felt a tear run down her cheek. She almost said it. Maze had almost let herself say the words, but Linda had stopped her. Words were so hard for Maze, but actions... actions were easy. So instead she apologized, the word sorry felt foreign on her tongue. She couldn’t say the words she ached to say. The look on Lindas face was the most beautiful thing Maze had ever seen. Maybe she couldn’t say the words just yet, but she grabbed her into a hug and just held her for a second. She promised herself she’d never let anyone hurt her Linda. Best friends or not, in love or not, Linda was hers.

She had left Linda’s office soon after, she hadn’t trusted herself to not slip up. The words she so desperately wanted to push down, to forget about, were consuming her. Maze couldn’t sleep that night. She wanted to scream and scream into the abyss. There wasn’t a single soul who knew how she felt about Linda, she needed to tell someone. If she told someone then maybe it would go away. She didn’t want to hurt Linda, she didn’t want to love her. 

The unspoken confession weighed on her chest. And so she left. She grabbed her favourite knife, and left. She didn’t know where she was going, she just started walking but walking turned into running. Her normally light feet padded down concrete roads. She ran as fast as possibly could, her breathing tight and ragged, houses and lights blurring past. When she finally stopped running to catch her breath, which was a first for the demon, she looked around to see where she was. She stood in the middle of the poorly lit street in front of the Doctor’s house. It was well past four in the morning, and god she was a cliche. Slowly, unwillingly, she made her way up the stairs to the Doctor’s house. Her hand hesitated before knocking carefully. It took a few minutes before she saw a light go on inside, and heard the locks click. But when Doctor Linda Martin opened the door, there was no one there. Perhaps some things are better left unsaid.


End file.
